Can Black Women Have The Soft Life?
My interview with Essence Magazine.
I can’t believe I’m even typing this: I’M IN PRINT!
In the March/ April issue of ESSENCE magazine to be exact. This is a pinch me moment if I ever had one. I’ve been so lucky this year to have been asked to contribute to a few articles in the magazine, and get to know some of the writers who craft the amazing stories centered on Black women, wellness and culture.
The full article is written by the incredible Dominique Fluker, and features some of my faves: Yasmine Jameelah, founder of Transparent & Black, as well as Priscilla O. Agyeman M.P.H, founder of Saddie Baddies.
Today I‘m sharing parts of my personal interview behind the print article. I highly recommend checking out the full piece in the March/ April issue of ESSENCE. Available on newsstands now.
Without further ado, enjoy!
DBF: Give me some background on your relationship to wellness.
Meg: I’m a psychotherapist by trade so my relationship with wellness has been one I’ve cultivated intentionally through my everyday work in guiding others toward what wellness means to them. Personally, as a Black woman, exploring wellness has been a radical act in redefining creativity, being curious about what moves me, and seeking a connection with myself and the world.
DBF: What does soft life mean to you?
Meg: Soft life means a life marked by ritual, tenderness, vulnerability, slow living and intention (purpose). When I think about living a soft life, I see it as a way of being rather than an achievement to unlock.
DBF: Is it a trend or a lifestyle? Why or why not?
Meg: Perhaps both! It’s trendy in that I’ve seen the term come up a lot recently, but I believe the experience of living a soft life is timeless. Soft living is more of a mindset and a lifestyle commitment than it is a passing trend for me. It marks a return to simplicity and being well without having to resort to rigid beliefs, tough love and resilience by way of over-productivity.
DBF: Can Black women benefit from having a soft life?
Meg: Absolutely. The stereotype and trope of the "strong black woman" can be really harmful. I’ve seen firsthand how that can damage Black women by way of emotional, mental and physical burnout. For Black women, we’ve been told that being resilient and enduring pain is a form of personal victory and triumph. Living a soft life is in complete opposition to that. It emphasizes ways we can thrive without having to endure hardship and personal pain first.
DBF: Is the soft life trend only rooted in having financial means? Can Black women have a soft life without having resources or a college degree? Is it more of a mindset?
Meg: I think living a soft life is more about the intention behind what you do rather than what you have or acquire. For many folks I know, leisure and luxury can only be accessed through engaging in hustle culture or a capitalistic mentality, which might feel like the opposite of soft living.
DBF: Can the soft life be rooted in wellness and self-care versus focusing on luxury?
Meg: Absolutely. It’s all about what wellness means for you. Self-care need not be overcomplicated or costly. Wellness doesn’t have to just look one way. The best part about this is being able to set the pace for yourself and setting intentions around how you can be more soft, tender and delicate with your mind, body and soul.
DBF: How is having a soft life beneficial for Black women's mental health?
Meg: It teaches us that we don’t have to harden against the world to live freely in it. I think it's a way of showing ourselves that we deserve peace, mindfulness, wellness and beauty in our lives — especially when we get to be creative about what that looks like, as opposed to someone else defining it for us.
That creativity, slowness and freedom is a powerful tool to reclaim wellness practices that make a difference in our mental health and clarity. Concretely, I think it also offers us room to move slowly when everything in our world can feel fast-paced and overwhelming. Why do all the things when you can do some? How meaningful might it be for our mental health if we released expectations around having to be tough all the time and instead embracing our vulnerability?
DBF: Is having a soft life attainable for Black women?
Meg: Yes! Black women deserve the space to live and grow in soft ways. The key is to not overcomplicate the journey to a soft life mindset. Take your time, and try not to judge yourself too harshly along the way.
This interview has been edited from its original version - read the full article in the March/April 2023 print issue of ESSENCE.
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—Meg
Beautiful piece