Ask a Therapist: How do you re-learn to relax and enjoy life?
"I thought I knew how but I seemed to have forgotten along the way."
For the majority of summer 2021, every Monday I’ve opened up my DM’s, and hosted an anonymous Q&A on Instagram with answers from the perspective of a therapist. Relevant disclaimer: Instagram is not therapy, and the Q&A can never replace the advice of a professional in your life, however it is an opportunity to hear my thoughts from the perspective of a therapist (and a human being).
Every week or so I receive questions centered on everything from relationships, grief, the perils of work and day to day life, to queries on values, boundaries and mindful self exploration. As a therapist on Instagram, I’ve received hundreds of messages and questions since I started my page back in 2019. This column I hope will serve as a home for some of these questions, and offer a space to more deeply explore everyday concerns and relatable curiosities.
To start, I’ll be diving deeper into questions I’ve answered in previous IG Q&A’s.
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Want to submit your own question? Leave me a comment or hit reply and share what’s on your mind.
Q: How do I re-learn to relax and enjoy life? I knew how before, and somehow forgot along the way.
Thank you for asking this question. The idea of whole-life enjoyment, and the pursuit of knowledge to enhance our rest, find true relaxation and contentment seems to be everywhere these days. One look at any self-help best seller list, or the proliferation of wellness articles, opinion pieces and blog posts tells us that you’re not the only one who’s asking this question.
With so many thoughts on this out there, I lean here towards simplicity:
Be present, and revisit the joys of mindful creative play.
Mindful present focused engagement with day-to-day living, and the natural ease and joy that accompanies it, is commonly seen in our childhoods and often something we must re-learn as adults. Our attention spans are regularly splintered and disjointed due to the endless demands of work, productivity cycles and hustle culture. As we age, we gain an increased capacity to multi-task. We take on more roles and responsibilities and we have less time for unstructured, freeform play. Children live in the present moment, focusing their attention on the details of imaginary worlds, crafting and exploring new ideas, making decisions more spontaneously, moving freely from one moment to another.
In exploring the impact of childhood play, Esther Perel writes: “Play opened up worlds that were far removed from me and identities I wanted to try. Play allowed me, as it does for all of us, to transcend the boundaries of family life and the restrictions imposed by society.” Play’s importance, she asserts, shouldn’t wane with our childhoods, but is necessary part of enjoying “pleasure, connection, creativity, fantasy — all the juicy parts of life we savor.”
Play becomes easier when we are present. Let your world come alive in the details of each moment. Drop into an observant and expansive world where your curiosity is free to keep asking questions. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Enjoyment and relaxation of life emerges clearly when we are engaged, grounded and focused — from the small moments to the big.
It may sound cliche, but it’s true. Try putting on some music and dance like you’re the only one in the room. Take an exploratory trip to your local park and challenge yourself to see what you normally skip over. Count the clouds in the sky above you, draw or paint an object you love, share a silly story with a friend, or explore your backyard for tiny treasures and animals. Playful silliness can be found both in solitude and in connection.
It doesn’t really matter what you do as much as you’re attending to the present moment while you do it. Unlearning the narrative that every thing we do must have a purpose or be productive in some way can suck the life and joy out of living.
Sometimes being in our bodies is enough.
- Meghan
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